Read At Your Own Risk

Today I hit a wall...

I have NO idea what I want to do for a future career or even with my life right now!

I always come up with these ideas of things that I should do or could do. That's not bad right? Well I don't think it's necessarily a good thing when I wast time and money doing it correct?

I know this is what life is all about; experiencing new things and ideas and then finding where your "nook" is. It has been almost 3 years since I have been our of high school and unfortunately....

...I haven't found my "nook".

I am getting quite impatient.

I just want a plan, something, ANYTHING.

I'm lost.

I thought I knew what I wanted to do for a major while I was at BYU-Idaho. That didn't happen so I though I was suppose to pursue a career in cosmetology....turns out I know for a fact that I don't want to be doing this my entire life. I know I want to do something medical, but the list of jobs in that field is endless. So...what now?

My parents are sick and tired of me always changing my mind. They have been so patient with me and have given me so much throughout this time of my life. But 3 years is a long time to help me "get started".

I feel irresponsible.

I love my parents so much and am so grateful for them. But, I feel that I should be helping them now. I should be providing for myself (and don't get me wrong, I'm trying). I seem to always be falling short, or I'm always missing something.

What is missing?

I don't know, no one know except for Heavenly Father.

I know I'm being tested and this is to help me learn something. I thought I knew what, but now I'm not so sure. What is the point of doing what I'm doing right now if I'm not happy?

I thought I was happy...now I'm just stressed.

I guess I have some things to sort out don't I?

(Sorry for the pessimistic rant, ya'll are peaches to hear me out :)

On another note...This man is always a great pick me up

I did it, and I feel awesome

You know those moments when you just want to be super selfish? Yes, I'm sure we all do.

I feel that way all the time...

Well, today was different. Today I woke up like usual, but I felt different. Different routine?...Nope. Different hairstyle?...Definitely not. What was different today was something I can describe....

...something I can't put into words.

Today, I felt selfless.

Have you ever tried it? I'm sure you have.

It's quite nice actually. So, why not do it always?

Christ did it. He did it for all of us. He did the most selfless act anyone could have ever done.

So....stay longer at work for that person who has a doctors appointment, even if it's on your day to get off early.

....give that classmate who is walking alone on the side of the road in the freezing cold air with all of his bags a ride home.

....invite that random person that you aren't great friends with to an ugly sweater party. (it might be just what they need)

....be kind. How hard can it be, really?

These are just a few examples. But I know and whole-heartedly believe that this is one of the best ways to be a better person.

This is who I want to be. :)

let it snow, let it snow, let it snow

Yesterday I woke up to a man shoveling snow. I looked outside my window and saw the white, powdery goodness that Utah has to offer this time of year.

It was perfect.

We got about 5 inches of snow over night and it's just what I needed to see! Christmas is coming and that means I will be able to finally go home.

22 days left....I can do it.

Kristen and I were thrilled with the snow and decided we were going to play in it as much as possible. So, we did. Unlike Iowa, it's not a bad temperature when it snows here. This allows us to stay out in it for more than an hour. It's quite the difference!

I'm in such a Christmas spirit lately that I had to break out the Christmas candles, music, and I even watched "Elf". It was so awesome.

Just a quick side note: I will be doing something today that will most likely and hopefully allow me to relieve some stress as well as kick start me into a better and less-worrisome lifestyle.

Wish me luck. :)

Be Satisfied With Me

Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone,

To have a deep soul relationship with another,

To be loved thoroughly and exclusively.

But to a Christian, God says, "No, not until you are satisfied,

Fulfilled and content with being loved by me alone,

With giving yourself totally and unreservedly to me.

With having an intensely personal and unique relationship with me alone.

Discovering that only in me is your satisfaction to be found,

Will you be capable of the perfect human relationship,

That I have planned for you.

You will never be united to another

Until you are united with me.

Exclusive of anyone or anything else. Exclusive of any other desires or longings.

I want you to stop planning, to stop wishing, and allow me to give you

The most thrilling plan existing . . . one you cannot imagine.

I want you to have the best.

Please allow me to bring it to you.

You just keep watching me, expecting the greatest things.

Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I am.

Keep listening and learning the things that I tell you.

Just wait, that’s all.

Don’t be anxious, don’t worry

Don’t look around at things others have gotten

Or that I have given them

Don’t look around at the things you think you want,

Just keep looking off and away up to me,

Or you’ll miss what I want to show you.

And then, when you’re ready, I’ll surprise you with a love

Far more wonderful than you could dream of.

You see, until you are ready, and until the one I have for you is ready,

I am working even at this moment

To have both of you ready at the same time.

Until you are both satisfied exclusively with me

And the life I’ve prepared for you,

You won’t be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with me.

And this is perfect love.

And, dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love.

I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with me.

And to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union

Of beauty, perfection and love that I offer you with Myself.

Know that I love you utterly.

For I am God. Believe it and be satisfied.

Thanks to my dear friend Kishara for sharing this with me. I love you girl. :)

i don't want no scrub...

(I am SO excited to finally meet one of my life-long goals........have a job that requires me to wear SCRUBS!!!!!!!)

Phew! What a week it has been and it's only almost Wednesday.

Monday I had orientation for my NEW job at the hospital. It was from 7:45-4:00.

So, all.....day....long...

BUT, I'm super excited for this job. I'm only doing housekeeping right now, but I need to get my foot in the door somehow right? I'm hoping that being around the hospital and in contact with patients that I will be able to understand or find out what I would like to do as a career. I always knew that I would be in the medical field somehow, just have no idea what area.

So, today there was suppose to be a "blizzard". WRONG-O.

It's stinkin' cold, but I can't help but laugh when comparing storms in Utah to storms in Iowa.

Speaking of Iowa....I miss it.

I keep getting more and more homesick as the days roll on. I haven't been home in 8 months and I think it's finally starting to pierce my heartstrings!! This will be my first Thanksgiving away from home....so depressing, I know. I'm grateful for all the kind friends that have invited me into their homes for Turkey Day. Kristen and I will be eating Thanksgiving dinner with my Bishop. He's the cutest man ever and I couldn't be more thrilled to go.

Speaking of Thanksgiving.....

I know it's common for people to say what their grateful for on this day, and I don't see a problem with that. What I'm going to begin doing is finding things that I'm grateful for on a daily basis. We've been given so much in this life, don't you think it would be considerate of us to appreciate those things DAILY?

What do you think?

Do you think you could do this as well? Will you be up to the challenge? Find at least one thing every day that you're thankful for. Write it down, type it, say it.......record it somehow. That way you will continue to do it, and you will always have those reminders of how blessed we are in this life.

If you are reading this blog post, please leave a comment of something you are thankful for right now.

I'd love to hear about it :)

fall with a light dusting of snow

I woke up later than I had planned this morning (like usual)...rolled out of bed around 8:30, checked my phone, and found out that I had a church meeting at 11.

I did the usual routine and enjoyably took my time getting ready.

Blew dry my hair, applied foundation and mascara and was on my way.

My meeting went great. I love my Bishop and the sisters I serve with in the presidency.

I walked outside and I found a light dusting of snow over the yellow and red leaves. There was a slight breeze as well which made for a chilly experience.

I loved it though.

It's so gorgeous here in Happy Valley. I still think the mountains look like a painted backdrop every time I leave my apartment. It's no Iowa, but it's not so bad after all.

Church was wonderful. Kishara and her friend Conley sang a medley for a musical number during sacrament meeting. It was absolutely beautiful. Definitely set the tone for the rest of my Sunday.

(Here is the medley. Sung by a couple of amazing sisters)

Like every Sunday I have to myself I always think of things I need to improve on, and ways to grow and progress so that I can be a better individual. I tend to over-analyze, stress out, and overwhelm myself with these things.

Today I am at peace.

Today I am thinking of things that I have been blessed with in my life and especially in my life at this time. I'm in my prime! I am 20 years old and trying to figure life out. So many opportunities and experiences are being placed in my path and it is my duty to pick them up and run with them. They are put there for a reason and it is up to me what to make of them.

yes, i'm alive

Hello blog world! Wow, what a time it has been since we've last spoken. I'm truly sorry for the inconvenient disappearance of myself, but if you didn't know, I have a new life now.

My day to day schedule is:

Wake up

Get ready for the day

Go to work

Come home

Eat something

Go to school

Come home

Eat something

Go to bed

Pretty exciting life isn't it? No, it really is great, I'm grateful for everything I have now, but something's missing.

I don't feel like I'm doing what I love...and it worries me.

I though this is where I'm suppose to be; what I'm suppose to be doing.

So........what do I do now?

Is this all a waste of time and money? Was it worth it to leave university studies and pursue something I might not even have a passion for?

So, I'm a little stressed out...

I miss my family, my Rexburg friends, my freedom, and my 20-year old life.

Where did this responsibility thing come from? Am I ready for it?

We shall see...

(I really am happy though, I promise)